


Ao no Exorcist: Chapter 120 - SsC40:00E

by lilacspines



Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: Angst, Ao no Exorcist Chapter 120, Ao no Exorcist Manga Spoilers, Blue Exorcist Chapter 120, Canon - Manga, Feels, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, SsC40:00E, blue exorcist manga spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:54:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26152981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilacspines/pseuds/lilacspines
Summary: Warning: this work contains manga spoilers!Like the title suggests, this is just a rewrite of the second half of Chapter 120 of Blue Exorcist. It's my favourite chapter (so far), and the manga deserves more love, so I decided to transpose it into fic format! Everything that happens is exactly how it happens in the manga, just with more words. Hopefully it inspires more people to read the manga!///Spoiler-free summary: Rin is depressed and wishes he had never been born, but a visit to the past reminds him what he's fighting for.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 30





	Ao no Exorcist: Chapter 120 - SsC40:00E

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own this story - Ao no Exorcist / Blue Exorcist belongs to Kazue Kato.

For the second time in his life, Rin Okumura watched Shiro Fujimoto die. Even though he knew what was coming, the trauma still fresh in his mind, he watched in horror as Shiro plunged the exorcist dagger into his own chest, blood falling out of his mouth through clenched teeth. Satan had cried out in anger and frustration, but Rin (past  _ and  _ present) had cried out in agony. He watched his younger self collapse onto the Koma sword, as tears streamed down his face, and he couldn’t bring himself to touch his father’s corpse.

After bursting through the door to return to the present day, Rin was on his hands and knees in Mephisto’s office, shaking and overwhelmed. Every emotion he’d felt on that night had resurfaced - the guilt over his father’s death, the regret over their final moments together, and the conclusion that it would be better if he’d never been born. Thanks to Mephisto’s Kamikakushi Key, he’d seen first-hand the pain that his birth had caused, and everyone that had been killed as a result. His mother and father were only two casualties from the long list of deaths, but they were the hardest ones for Rin to accept.

Mephisto threw a condescending glance over the arm of the couch he was lounging on and watched as Rin’s face continued to warp with the agony that was bubbling up inside of him.

“Have you found your answers?” Mephisto asked calmly, looking over at Rin through half-lidded eyes. “Satan... Yuri Egin... Shiro Fujimoto... How does it feel to see so many die?”

Rin struggled to find his words, chest rising and falling in the thick silence. His eyes are wide and his brow is furrowed, his emotions showing plainly on his face.

“Do you wish you’d never been born?” Mephisto asked, as if it was a simple question.

Rin snapped to look up at him. “What do you want? Are you trying to make me a vessel for Satan, or a weapon to fight him?!”

“Hm...” Mephisto looked down at his pointed nails. “Strictly speaking, neither. Even I, the King of Time, cannot see the future beyond this point. Whatever I may want from you,” he looked back at Rin, his sharp eyes slicing through the tense atmosphere surrounding them, “it’s impossible for me to fully control you. As I said before, that Kamikakushi Key...”

Rin sat up, grabbing onto the key that hung around his neck. He looked at it closely, searching it for answers.

“Will take you wherever you desire.” Mephisto finished, the corner of his mouth turning upwards into a devilish half-smile. “The future is up to you.”

Rin took a deep breath to steady himself, and slowly got to his feet.  _ Wherever I desire? _ He thought. Plunging the Kamikakushi Key into the door’s lock, he pushed the door open and walked through. Now on the other side of the door, he shut it behind him, and an amazing smell suddenly wafted into the air. Looking around, he realised he was in a kitchen - and not just any kitchen, Rin recognised it from his childhood. Looking around, he saw Shiro in the corner, cooking away. Seeing him alive again lit a flame of gratitude and sadness in Rin’s chest, and he watched him sizzle away, wishing he could stay here in this dreamlike scene forever.

“You’re finally back, huh?” Shiro asked, not turning around. “Where’ve you guys been lolly-gagging?”

Rin’s heart suddenly jumped into his throat as he realised he’d forgotten to put his invisibility hood back on. How was he going to explain this?

Before he had time to run or hide, Shiro turned around. “Huh? Who’re you?”

Rin’s mouth opened and closed anxiously while his brain short-circuited. “Agh! Um, uh...”

Shiro looked him up and down, noting the exorcist uniform. “Oh well. Have a seat and try one of these.”

Rin breathed a sigh of relief and made a mental note to thank Mephisto for dressing him so inconspicuously. Shiro lifted the pot he was leaning over so Rin could look inside.

_ Rice balls grilled with bonito flakes, butter and soy sauce! _ Rin’s face lit up and he licked his lips.  _ The old man always made them when I was a child _ .

Shiro shrugged. “First time I’ve made this.” He put one of the rice balls onto a plate and handed it to Rin. “Go on, give it a taste.”

Rin took a seat at the table and accepted the plate, still feeling uneasy about this forbidden interaction. He grabbed the rice ball and bit into it. The nostalgia crashed into him like an ocean wave, and he tried to keep a level head.  _ It’s... delicious! _ Quickly swallowing the rice, and his emotions, he nodded. “It tastes great. But maybe a little bland.”

Shiro nodded. “I thought so. I remembered a friend making them for me...”

_ This sure takes me back... _

Rin continued eating, savouring every bite. Suddenly his stomach made itself known, growling ferociously, and Rin blushed with the outburst. Shiro burst out laughing, grinning ear to ear.

“I made plenty, so eat all you want!” Shiro beamed, clearly finding amusement in Rin’s embarrassment.

“Th-thanks.” Rin stammered, still astonished that he was here, eating his old man’s cooking like old times.

“You don’t look well,” Shiro raised an eyebrow. “Are you getting enough to eat? It’s a shame how they use you young guys in the special corps.”

Rin nodded, thinking of all the meals he’d shared with his friends since starting at the Academy. Sharing Christmas-themed birthday cake, cooking with Ukobach, making food for Yukio. His heart sank thinking of Yukio, but he pushed the feeling to the back of his mind. He had to be here, right now, in this moment, for as long as he could.

Shiro bustled about the kitchen, putting more food in front of Rin as he prattled on. Hearing his voice was putting Rin at ease, and he tried to sear the sound into his memory. He still couldn’t believe he was here, talking to his dad again.

“Sorry, but I gotta give up command of the Ladon Exorcism Unit. Instead of Lucy, have that new Arch Knight... What’s his name?” Shiro frowned. “Angel! Have him do it. He’s a good fighter. My hands are full being a dad, so... Would you inform the Vatican for me?”

Rin just stared back. Before he could help himself, the words had formed on his lips and slipped out. “Is it hard... being a dad?”

Shiro blinked, but took the question in stride. He pinched his chin between his thumb and the knuckle of his forefinger, looking up at the ceiling to think. “Yeah, I guess.”

Rin looked down. A part of him was expecting that response.

“But I don’t really know what a  _ dad  _ is.” Shiro shrugged. “Look at those brothers asleep over there.”

Rin followed his gaze to see two kids sleeping on the couch, just past the doorway to the kitchen. Little Yukio was seated and sleeping upright, peacefully, while little Rin was draped over his brother’s lap, ass up in the air, drooling face down onto the cushions.

“The one with the glasses is Yukio. He’s generous, kind and a hard worker. Physically, he’s weak and doesn’t eat much. And he can see demons, so he’s jittery. I’m worried because he lacks confidence.”

_ You have no idea, _ Rin mused.

“I want to help him, so I asked if he wanted to toughen up and be an exorcist with me. And he said he wanted to become strong enough to protect his brother.” Shiro hadn’t taken his eyes off the two boys. “I’m taking a teaching position at the Exorcism Cram School. There are things only I can teach him... and above all, I  _ want  _ to teach him.”

Rin nodded. That much made sense - he remembered thinking about how scary Yukio’s childhood must have been, being able to see demons. It was scary enough starting to see them as a fifteen year-old. He was glad that Shiro had given Yukio an outlet, a way to fight on his own and to, quite literally, confront and defeat his demons.

“The one with his butt hanging out is Rin.” Shiro continued.

Rin almost choked on his rice ball. He looked over at his younger self with squinted eyes, trying not to think about how stupid he looked. Part of him wanted to smack him awake and make him spend time with his old man, instead of drooling all over Yukio, but Rin wanted this one-on-one time. Needed it.

“He cares about family and isn’t a bad kid,” Shiro said softly, “but he gets violent when he’s angry and can’t control his strength. So he makes a lot of enemies.” Shiro sighed, rubbing his chin again. “Should I teach him how to fight as an exorcist alongside Yukio? I wondered about that for a long time... but gave up on it.”

Rin blinked in confusion. “Huh?”

Shiro turned back to Rin and grinned. “Instead, I’ll teach him how to cook! That’s why I’ve been practicing, but... Anyway, this one will study here with me.”

Rin still wasn’t understanding. Why teach one kid and not the other? It didn’t make any sense. “Why?”

“Because cooking is mental  _ and _ physical. He needs to learn how to control his strength... and to think about who he’s doing things for. After all, he says he wants  _ Yukio  _ to eat his cooking.”

Memories from his childhood came flooding back, overloading his brain with images he’d forgotten.

_ “Don’t be so rough! You’re making those eggs cry.” Shiro would snap amusedly. “That bowl is crying too... If you mix it too much, it gets pasty. A little texture tastes better, right?” _

_ “Yeah!” Little Rin beamed. “Ooh! Yukio would love a fish hamburger steak!” _

Rin remembered a time long ago when they were kids, the first time Yukio enjoyed one of his meals and told him it was delicious. That’s when Rin got hooked on cooking - he loved being able to make people happy. Growing up in an environment where everyone outside of his family constantly called him demonic, it was nice to be appreciated like that. With a smile and not a scowl.

Shiro looked back to the young boys and smiled softly. “It means everything that Yukio isn’t afraid of Rin.”

A lump formed in Rin’s throat.

“Maybe it’s wrong for me to be a teacher and a dad in the kitchen... But I don’t know what’s right anyway. I’m busy, and yeah, I guess it’s hard, but... When I look at them, it’s more than worth it.”

Rin looked down, a shadow falling over his face. “Yeah... I can see that.” He needed to leave, and quickly, or he would find himself falling into a blubbering mess on the kitchen floor. He stood up and tucked his chair back underneath the table. “Well, I should be going.”

Shiro jumped, not realising he’d gotten carried away. “Oh... sorry for talking your head off! Here, take the leftovers.” He tossed a parcel at Rin, who flailed briefly before catching it with both hands.

“Uh... thank you.” He said quietly.

“No prob! Just relay my message to the Vatican!” Shiro grabbed the dishes and started to run the water in the sink.

“R-right. Well goodbye.”

“Yeah. Bye.” Shiro didn’t turn around.

Rin walked back towards the door he originally came through, pushing the Kamikakushi Key into the lock, before pausing with his hand on the knob. He didn’t know if he’d regret looking back, or not looking back, but he had to do it. “Father...” He turned around, looking over at his dad one last time.

“Hm?” Shiro wasn’t bothered by the title (only Rin knew the double meaning) and looked over his shoulder, his eyes meeting Rin’s.

“Thanks for everything.” Rin barely got the words out before his vision started to blur with tears.

Shiro smiled and turned away. “Aw... It was nothin’!”

Rin quickly walked through the doorway and hurriedly closed it behind him. He could feel his composure starting to disintegrate. He powered onward, walking through hallways, with one goal in mind - he needed to save his brother. Yukio needed him.

_ I’ve been so scared.  _ He thought, biting back tears.  _ This whole time... I thought if I knew the answer, then everything would end... and it would seem better if I hadn’t been born! _

He stopped before a large door and leaned against it, feeling the emotion bubble out of him as he sobbed and clenched his hands into fists.

_ I’m so stupid!!! _

_ My father and mother... they worked hard to keep me alive! _

He recalled the voice of his mother on her deathbed:  _ “Be good brothers to each other.” _

Rin stood up straight, wiping the tears away. With his demon heart glowing brightly on the outside of his chest, he put the Kamikakushi Key in the lock, turned it and opened the door.

_ I have Yukio. And Yukio... has me! So I won’t give up! _


End file.
